After Zlatan hinted at a move to England, we consider just how amazing it would be to have The Great Ego playing in the Premier League
Forget the Olympics. Forget Euro 2016. If this long-held dream of ours actually comes true, there will only be one sport story that matters this summer.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic joining a Premier League club.
It's a thought so exciting, it makes bladder control an issue. Zlatan Ibrahimovic - the most charismatic, absurdly "confident" man in football - leaving PSG at the end of the season to come and play on these shores.
Talking ahead of the Sweden friendly with Czech Republic, The Great Man said: "Yes, there is interest from the Premier League, I can confirm that.
"The Premier League is the league in the world all people and fans speak about.
"To make it very clear, there are no negotiations at all with PSG, I'm not going to represent them the coming season."
EEK!
Regardless of who he might join, it's a tantalising prospect. Here's why Zlatan would instantly make the Premier League approximately 4,685 times more entertaining:
1. The thought of Ryan Shawcross marking him at a corner - and this happening
2. The number of times he would be reminded of this quote
We can already imagine him snapping when he is asked for the hundredth time if really does think English football is "crap".
Speaking of which…
3. His press conferences would be AMAZING
It probably wouldn't be too long before we saw him eviscerate an unfortunate journalist:
3. His innovative defensive techniques
Covering your crown jewels in the wall at a free-kick? Foolish, naive Premier League buffoons. Some other players have far more important assets to protect…
4. His love of a good prank
Can you imagine him doing this in the Man United dugout next season?
5. Actually, the pranks deserve a second entry
This type of acting/pratting about ability - specifically, making the PSG doctor think a player needs treatment - would be most welcome on Arsenal's YouTube channel.
6. The fact his mere presence provokes this response in young fans
7. The thought of Mike Dean trying to get one over on a man like Zlatan
And Zlatan shooting him down in the same way he embarrassed this referee:
8. His nickname
If you don't think 'Ibracadabra' would immediately become the Premier League's best nickname, then frankly, you're not worth talking to.
9. The inevitably cool goal celebrations
"Oh, that amazing screamer that just flew past Joe Hart into the top corner? Yeah, no biggie…"
10. The fact we could (probably) use this to do all our research
Only one player has his own form of Google. Yes, Zlaaatan.com actually exists.
11. His expertise in the taking of selfies
Sadly crucial in a Premier League where "fans" take selfie sticks to games. *Sigh*
Chairmen, managers and bean counters of the Premier League, we beg of you - please make this happen. Zlatan playing his football in England will make the world a better place.
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